I’m not a ‘girly girly’. I doubt many of you would disagree with that. I’m a geologist and as such as at home outdoors in hiking boots or even (although it’s been a while) steel toe caps as I am in something that actually co-ordinates with my outfit.
I’m notionally a runner too. (Okay a mostly injured runner but that’s pretty normal) so I realise that wearing heels the whole time isn’t a great idea (unless my Achilles is playing up and then a low heel is acceptable) and I think my running shoe collection is almost as diverse as my work shoe collection these days.
Right now though I’m a ‘grumpy geologist not girly injured runner’ and that’s bad. I have had what I believe to be my fair share of injuries over the years and the Baker’s cyst that burst in the back of my knee was certainly one of the worse as far as running was concerned but my current one is not just limiting my running it’s limiting my shoes and therefore my self-esteem (stay with me now).
I have hallux limitus (or hallux rigidus in old-school parlance). This means neither of my big toes has the normal level of flexibility as the rest of my toes. No big deal, but the middle of last year my big toes decided they weren’t happy with the road running I was doing (I was told to stop running trails so much) and they went into an acute pain and inflammation response because of more miles on harder terrain which culminated in me being barely able to walk by October. We are now mid way through February and I’m sorry but wearing only flip flops/thongs or trainers is getting to me.
I have only recently realised how much this is affecting my ‘womanly-ness’. (I am literally in pain every step I take. I cannot put on anything with a heel and in truth trainers hurt too).
Most of the boys won’t get this but ladies? What do you wear on your feet when you go out to a nice restaurant? Never mind the rest of the outfit. Just think if you can’t put on the heels that go with the dress you aren’t dressed properly and you know it. What do you wear on your feet for a big presentation? What makes you feel confident? Your daggy old trainers that you can’t run in so have been assigned to ‘walking only’ or a pair of heels?
This may sound slightly ridiculous to a fair few of you but I have always worn heels. I have a ‘reasonable’ shoe collection. I am no Imelda Marcos but shoes are/were ‘my thing’. Not handbags or purses, not bikes or guitars. Shoes. For six months I haven’t been able to wear heels and it’s finally got to me. I can’t even do the ‘get from the taxi to the table and then take them off’ thing we sometimes do if we really want to wear a pair of ridiculous shoes.
My relationship with myself has worsened. I can’t ‘dress up’ properly. I don’t care if this is because I was ‘conditioned’ as a female child to want to ‘dress up and look nice’ and I can assure you I have never dressed up to look nice for anyone other than myself. So now I find myself in a situation where I can’t dress up; where I can’t look nice (for myself) and so I feel grumpy.
And so I’ve blogged about it which is a bit sad really. What a very first world problem. I shouldn’t be complaining about not being able to wear one of the ‘quite a few’ pairs of shoes I own. I should be thankful for having any shoes to wear at all. Believe me I am. I have that appreciation but right now I’d dearly love to be able to dress up and feel good about me with a pair of heels on.
Have a great weekend all 😉